Talk about prideful. I guess the Lord decided to teach me a lesson or two! Back in September 2017, my eyes began to itch and I mean ITCH. They would water all the time, burn and I always felt like there were thorns underneath my eyelids. After a month, I went to the doctor and he prescribed some antibiotic eye drops. Within 48 hours my face looked like this:
After that my skin was never the same. I went to a dermatologist who put me on steroids for 5 weeks and my skin still persisted. I simplified all my products to be soap free, dye free, basically everything free. They did an allergy patch test on my back that came back positive for some things that irritated my skin and I eliminated those. Still my skin began to worsen. By the time we moved to New Zealand, the rash had completely spread from being on my scalp all the way down to some parts of my knees and calves. Once again, I was put on steroids and was told that it was something else and we'll have to see what my skin will do after round 2. Two weeks ago, I got off round 2 of steroids and it came back to be the worst it's ever been. I am currently on round 3 of steroids, and once again my skin has cleared up ALMOST completely. Finally, the doctor told us that I've developed chronic non-IgE mediated urticaria. An autoimmune skin condition where my immune system turns on itself and manifests through skin hives, rashes, ezcema, dry skin, you name it and I've had it.
During the process, I've gained 20lbs (side-affect of being on steroids), spent thousands of dollars on doctor's visits, creams, ointments, medication, emergency room visits, etc. and hours and hours lotioning my body with creams, ointments, or treatments. Imagine your skin being so dry and tight that it feels like its going to rip open. Ever had an itchy ant bite? Imagine that from your head to your knees. It's a literal race when I get out of the shower to moisturize within 3 minutes before my skin dries. Showering burns, sweating burns, going anywhere for more than an hour or two burns since lotions/ointments don't last very long. Shopping for shampoo, soaps, foods, drinks etc. has made me borderline paranoid as I am scared to buy something that might trigger another allergic reaction. I've tried dairy, gluten-free, vegan, elimination diets etc. Nothing has worked.
I've prayed to God and Jesus Christ to heal me or not make it so bad or just don't let it spread to this part of my body or just make it so it's not itchy and painful. There have been times when I have given up hope and there have been times where I have been filled with nothing but hope. I've asked "why me?" and "what do I need to learn from this?" I've received blessings, pleaded with the Lord, fasted, listened, cried, prayed some more. There have been times in the last 6 months where I have hit rock bottom and thought "It would be better off if I wasn't alive. It would be less painful than this."
I don't list these things to get sympathy but to demonstrate how a health issue can completely alter and change your lifestyle forever. All the while, trying to be a good wife, friend, coworker, daughter etc. Honestly, these have been the HARDEST 6 months of my life and some of ya'll do it for almost a lifetime! And I admire you so much.
As I stated before, I felt like nothing had worked. This skin condition has even had me questioning my faith in God and if He really is there. I got called as a stake seminary teacher and I thought, "How the hell am I suppose to teach these kids about God, when I don't even feel Him here anymore?" Then last night, as I was reading in the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi Chapters 12-13 talk about God and how merciful He is with His children. Then I pondered the word MERCY. 1 Chronicles 16:34 states
And that scripture made me think back on the last 6 months and of all the times that the Lord has shown mercy. My visa is taking longer than usual but it's allowed me to get my health in order. I have felt my best and my skin has felt it's best when I'm studying or teaching in seminary. We have always had the money to pay for everything that has come with my condition. While watching YouTube, I found the new videos the church put out in the series "His Grace." I can't even tell you the mercy that God has shown thru my husband. I have never in my life been as fat, rashy or moody in my whole entire life and yet because of my husband, I've never felt sexier. I have gained an appreciation for health, wellness, exercise and taking care of my body. I CANNOT wait to start exercising when this skin thing is under control. God has made sure that I have had little moments of peace and joy, just to keep me going. It's enough just so I can recognize Him because He knows me so well.
I've learned that life is hard for everyone. Whether you struggle with physical health issues, mental health issues, addiction, poverty, prejudice, family matters etc., they all have the same opportunity to mold you into someone you are meant to be. With God, He'll help you get there.
