As I've been pregnant, it seems as though there is a common theme among my social media and things I notice society trying to teach me about my body. On my Instagram, I see all these fit mums doing workouts while pregnant and bouncing right back after their pregnancies. On Pinterest, I see crash diets for pregnant women and workouts I can do to reduce weight gain. On Facebook, they try to sell me oils that prevent stretch marks or reduce their appearance. I see on TV how the Kardashians lost the weight or the things they did to make sure they had their "sleek and sexy figure after having 2 kids". They teach me how to style my clothes so I don't look as pregnant as I am.
Pregnancy and the changes it causes both physically and emotionally can be an extremely overwhelming experience. You have hormones RAGING inside of you and changing with each new week according to what your baby needs to grow up healthy. That makes you sick, depressed, anxious, irritable etc. That favorite pair of jeans you love so much no longer fits, hell I can't even find a pair of underwear that doesn't cut of my circulation and make me feel like my legs are going to fall off. Your boobs are sore all the time, you start to get stretch marks and itchy skin. Honestly.. I've hated being pregnant. I have been sick half my pregnancy and when I finally started to feel normal enough to function, I popped all of the sudden and now my back hurts 24/7. I'm exhausted all the time and I just... doing everything mentioned in the previous paragraph are things that I wouldn't even want to do if I wasn't making a human being inside me.And now I can't even look on my phone for more than 5 minutes without it telling me that this amazing experience is going to turn my body into what society deems as unattractive. The stretch marks, the weight gain, the "saggy boobs", the bags under the eyes from exhaustion, the messy hair etc. For the past 6 months I feel like I have been mourning what my body was and I haven't even given birth yet. I look in the mirror at my belly and think "I'm huge. I'm fat. My body is never going to be what it was before. I hate being pregnant. My boobs already look like loaves of bread. I don't want to breastfeed, it'll make them worse."
Then Heavenly Father came in time of need when I needed a spiritual "whooping". As I sat there in bed crying over the loss of my "perfect prebaby boobs" thinking my husband isn't going think I'm attractive anymore or that I'll never feel sexy again a thought came to mind. He said
"If you choose not to breastfeed than you're not letting your own body reach it's full potential. It's the most important reason why I made them. You're taking away their purpose and their higher calling."
In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 it reads:
19. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20. For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
We NEED to change the way we teach about a woman's body, how we speak of it and how we treat it. Since that moment of revelation, I've made it a goal to take care of my body and make it as healthy as possible. Pregnant women aren't fat... THEY'RE PREGNANT. You gain weight being pregnant to keep both you and the baby healthy. The weight is healthy! Your boobs are not just cleavage. They're not just for sexual pleasure and appeal. They are the vessels of life. Did you know that you breast milk evolves overtime and adapts to every nutritional need of your baby? Your boobs are making LIQUID GOLD for heaven's sake! Those stretch marks are not ugly. Your skin was able to stretch itself and challenge itself to it's very limits so that a baby can be kept nice and safe for 9 months! Hell my husband has stretch marks because even men's bodies go through rapid changes in order to grow and progress. Your body is an absolute masterpiece and creation.
I am so sad to say that I have been absolutely cruel to my body. I am so proud of it and all it has accomplished. My body is amazing and it's the things that it is able to do that makes it perfect. Although I'm a little scared for what its about to go through come May 27th hahahaha... I know that my body will do amazing things just like it has in the past. We need to stop thinking that a woman's body is only beautiful if our boobs are perfectly round or whatever... or that our tummies are super flat... or that we bounce back right after having kids. We aren't going to look like what we looked like in high school because we're WOMEN now, not little girls. Whether you have kids or not, every woman's body goes through similar experiences like the ones above.
We need to stop comparing ourselves to celebrities because what they have isn't real. They've all had work done. I mention the Kardashians because it seems as though a lot of women try to be them. STOP! They have money. They're rich. They're oversexualised. You're comparing their life highlights to your everyday practices. For me, I've deleted social media and only hop on the weekends. When I get out of the shower and look at my body, I congratulate it on all it's accomplished. If I catch myself saying mean things to myself, I apologise to myself.
My body tells my journey. I wanted to get a picture of my belly and my tattoo bare to show where I've come from and where I'm going. By no means have I been perfect and I've made mistakes. I've had to repent, amend things with others and seek forgiveness from both my fellow man and God Himself. I haven't taken the best care of my body or used it for good all the time. But it has been God's light that has lead me to the life I have now. It's because of God that I am able to be the best mum I can be if I listen to His counsel. I got my tattoo when I was 16 years old in memory of my best friend's murder in a drunk driving accident. We promised to be each other's maid of honor's, have kids at the exact same time so they can grow up to be best friends and if it was a boy and girl get married so we can hang out all the time hahahaha. We even said we'd hold each other's hand while giving birth! My body has seen me through the worst times like loosing her and the best times, which is now creating a perfect little son!
My body has been through and carried me through so many different experiences and chapters in my life. A true gift from God. A temple.
I'm excited to see what my body is about to accomplish and can't wait for the opportunity it has to fulfill the measure of its creation. To create life and nurture it. Here's to learning to love ourselves and our bodies. No one else can do it as good as a woman can!
xoxo. Madi
