10 Things to Expect After Having a Baby

So I just had my first kid like 10 months ago and man these last 10 months have been a freakin journey. There were some things I for sure didn’t expect. Here’s those 10 things you might want to anticipate for:

1. It shocked me at how weak I was after having a baby. I’ve been an athlete my whole life and so I’ve always been in somewhat good shape.. bruh. You might have to start at 0 when it comes to any sort of strength or conditioning. You’d be shocked at how many muscles you use just to jog. After 5 minutes on the treadmill my vagina would feel like I just had a 2 year long period! Muscles I never even knew I had would be sore! So expect your body to take a while bouncing back. My baby is 10 months old and I can finally do ab work outs. You body changes so much. Throw out the pre-pregnancy clothes, take care and enjoy your new mum bod 😃

2. For my birth, my kids head was way too big so they had to perform what’s called an episiotomy. Look it up. Because of this stupid thing, sex for me has been... uncomfortable to say the least. 85% of all women experience some sort of pain or discomfort during sex after having a baby. Also, if you’re breastfeeding, use extra lube. Hormones get in the way of you doing it’s job naturally if you know what I’m saying... it’s just now starting to feel somewhat enjoyable so communicate with your partner, you probably won’t be horny for a while and just take it day by day. If you have any concerns, please consult with your doctor!

3. The constipation. BROOO. The hemroids. BrOoOoO. I went 3 weeks without having a good, solid poo. It was hell. So load up on laxatives before you have baby. I’d start on them a month or two before baby comes with lots of water so the pipes are all good to go when the moment comes.

4. I was surprised at how I adjusted to little to no sleep. You just... go on with life LOL. I don’t know how I did it but I did. And you will too. Don’t stress.

5. Breastfeeding was... an experience that I got to have to 6 months. My baby had a really good latch from the beginning but it’s shocking how often babies eat! And how sore your nips are the first 3 months. Even if my nipples got a little hard from being cold, they were in fire! I went from a D to a freakin E!!!! But shockingly, I can’t wait to do it again. It’s something you just can’t explain until you do it. You gotta work at it and it takes time. But it’s really worth it! Breast is best BUT fed is the most important! So if you need formula, which we had to do, don’t stress! You’re doing just as good of a job as anyone else!

6. Your insides feel like they’re jiggling inside of you uncontrollably for a good month or 2 after you have baby. It made me nauseous. Maybe because my stomach was actually in the right place for once after 9 months.

7. All your pregnancy symptoms... the back ache, the heart burn, the pinched sciatic nerve, constant migraine, exhaustion, etc all stops the moment that kid pops out of you. It’s like when you have a really big pimple and the pressure is so bad it starts to have its own heart beat but once you pop it there is so much relief. That’s kinda what it feels like... and then you get new symptoms being postpartum 😂

8. The hormones are insane. I would cry and sometimes still cry, over absolutely nothing. Then 10 seconds later I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Be patient with yourself and again, communicate with your partner. I’m sure he’s taking the brunt of it 😂

9. Being a mum has insane ups and downs. One moment you absolutely hate being a mum and breastfeeding and taking care of a baby. Then the next you’re a picture taken straight out of a 1950’s home making book 😂 Know that those feelings of frustration and wanting to give up or wishing for your old life back is normal. We all do it but when that baby smiles at you or laughs at something you do that’s not even funny just because you’re his mum and he loves you... yeah. The mum life is the best life. So cry it out, scream it out and then pull yourself together because that baby needs and loves you.

10. I was shocked at how being a mum came so naturally. It’s just different when it’s your kid. It’s instinct, biology, innate. You’ll surprise yourself. Evolution or God or both (whatever you believe in) made you for this moment. The highest and most important calling this world has to offer, motherhood. Trust yourself, you can do it 😊♥️

You go mama!

xx Madi

Dating Advice

I’ve been married now and looking back I was pretty damn good at dating. I’d like to think that I nailed it when it came to choosing a partner for myself (even though marriage is a living commitment that takes daily work to nourish). To those dating I have one activity for you sit down and do before you go on the next date or before you get back in the game.

It’s called the Negotiables and Non-Negotiables.

We’ll start with the Non-negotiables because they are the most important and can make or break a relationship/marriage. These are traits/things you want in your future partner that you CANNOT compromise. These are things like if you want kids in the future, want to get married, if you’re religious what kind of activity do you want in your church, etc. These are the the most important things in your life. For example, when I was dating my 5 non-negotiables were:

1. I wanted to always be active in my church and when I dated I only dated members from my church. This is important for any members of the Church reading this. Marriage is hard but when you marry someone of the same faith, usually that means you have the same long term goals, especially if y’all are both members. I asked questions about how felt about the church, cool experiences they had and asked if they could see themselves going to church. While my husband and I were dating, he struggled with his testimony for a little bit. Right then and there I said, “T, you gotta figure if this is what you want. My goal is to always have the church in my life.”

2. He had to want kids! I see so many people who date someone who isn’t on the same page when it comes to this... have this conversation before y’all get married because 9/10 a person isn’t going to change their mind on this subject. Kids are a HUGE deal and the ultimate commitment. My husband wasn’t very good with kids and always said he hated them. So I was a little reserved and ended up breaking up with him because I thought he didn’t want any. Turns out, when we actually had the conversation, he just hates other people’s and wanted 4 or 5 kids which is exactly what I wanted!

3. At some point you have to talk about money. For me I’m huge on not going into debt unless it’s for a house or education. Since that’s a teaching we share from our church, we were Allgoods.

4. He had to have a sense of humor and laugh off the dumb things that happen in life. For me this is important because this was something that is taught in my family. Shake it off, laugh it off and move on. It’s important that you see your potential husband/wife/partner is stressful situations. If they handle in a way that you can deal with for the rest of your life then.. cool!

5. He had to be an RM. I might get crap for this but for me, being an RM myself, I knew what a mission taught. It teach compromise, communication skills, living in your own with someone, hard work, and other life skills perfect for marriage. If you’re not Mormon, evaluate if the other person communicates in a healthy way that’s compatible with how you communicate.

Last thing that you do is make yolur negotiables list. These are things that you can compromise on that you wish your future partner would have but it isn’t a deal breaker. These are things like wanting your future partner to play sports or he has to have brown eyes or has to be tall. Hahaha. These don’t necessarily have to do with core beliefs or serious topics although they could be. I made 5 negotiables and 5 non-negotiables when I was dating but you could make more.

The most important thing is to NEVER compromise on your non-negotiables. Don’t go into a relationship expecting someone to change. You marry the person for who they are and change together, as a unit.

GOOD LUCK!!! Do not settle! There are so many people out there to choose from! It’s the most important decision and will effect every facet of your life! Choose wisely!