To the Parents

There are some things that I wish my step-parents and parents would have done differently. Keep in mind that all that my parents did was out of love and they always had my best interest in mind. Here are some guidelines that can help the kid as they work through the divorce, visitation and all that comes along with separation.

1. Do not talk ill about your ex-spouse in front of your kids. Divorce is hard for everyone and hurtful things can be said. As a kid you believe everything that your parents say because they are your hero and in your eyes mommy and daddy are perfect. Even though you no longer have a relationship with your ex-spouse, your child does.

2. Do not discuss visitation or child support with your children. They do not need to know the legal and communication details with the other parent. That is for adult ears only! Countless times legal matters would be brought up in front of me and being a child I did not know when it was appropriate to talk about them. Sometimes it would affect the relationship I had with that parent who was being discussed and I had no knowledge of the whole story. I only knew what was taken out of context.

3. Whether you like it or not the person you decided to have your child with will always be one of his/her parent. The child will develop different relationships with each parent but always make it priority to let the child decide on what kind of relationship that they want with the other parent. It is no use trying to taint or diminish your child's relationship with your ex-spouse. Instead focus on your relationship with your child. I always admired my dad for making it a priority to leave the decision up to me.

4. The three words "I love you." can never be over used. I grew up knowing that no matter the choices my parents made it was out of love. Raising a child with a divorce or separation is a team effort with co-parenting and compromise.

I hope that these four tips help!