10 Things to Expect After Having a Baby

So I just had my first kid like 10 months ago and man these last 10 months have been a freakin journey. There were some things I for sure didn’t expect. Here’s those 10 things you might want to anticipate for:

1. It shocked me at how weak I was after having a baby. I’ve been an athlete my whole life and so I’ve always been in somewhat good shape.. bruh. You might have to start at 0 when it comes to any sort of strength or conditioning. You’d be shocked at how many muscles you use just to jog. After 5 minutes on the treadmill my vagina would feel like I just had a 2 year long period! Muscles I never even knew I had would be sore! So expect your body to take a while bouncing back. My baby is 10 months old and I can finally do ab work outs. You body changes so much. Throw out the pre-pregnancy clothes, take care and enjoy your new mum bod 😃

2. For my birth, my kids head was way too big so they had to perform what’s called an episiotomy. Look it up. Because of this stupid thing, sex for me has been... uncomfortable to say the least. 85% of all women experience some sort of pain or discomfort during sex after having a baby. Also, if you’re breastfeeding, use extra lube. Hormones get in the way of you doing it’s job naturally if you know what I’m saying... it’s just now starting to feel somewhat enjoyable so communicate with your partner, you probably won’t be horny for a while and just take it day by day. If you have any concerns, please consult with your doctor!

3. The constipation. BROOO. The hemroids. BrOoOoO. I went 3 weeks without having a good, solid poo. It was hell. So load up on laxatives before you have baby. I’d start on them a month or two before baby comes with lots of water so the pipes are all good to go when the moment comes.

4. I was surprised at how I adjusted to little to no sleep. You just... go on with life LOL. I don’t know how I did it but I did. And you will too. Don’t stress.

5. Breastfeeding was... an experience that I got to have to 6 months. My baby had a really good latch from the beginning but it’s shocking how often babies eat! And how sore your nips are the first 3 months. Even if my nipples got a little hard from being cold, they were in fire! I went from a D to a freakin E!!!! But shockingly, I can’t wait to do it again. It’s something you just can’t explain until you do it. You gotta work at it and it takes time. But it’s really worth it! Breast is best BUT fed is the most important! So if you need formula, which we had to do, don’t stress! You’re doing just as good of a job as anyone else!

6. Your insides feel like they’re jiggling inside of you uncontrollably for a good month or 2 after you have baby. It made me nauseous. Maybe because my stomach was actually in the right place for once after 9 months.

7. All your pregnancy symptoms... the back ache, the heart burn, the pinched sciatic nerve, constant migraine, exhaustion, etc all stops the moment that kid pops out of you. It’s like when you have a really big pimple and the pressure is so bad it starts to have its own heart beat but once you pop it there is so much relief. That’s kinda what it feels like... and then you get new symptoms being postpartum 😂

8. The hormones are insane. I would cry and sometimes still cry, over absolutely nothing. Then 10 seconds later I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. Be patient with yourself and again, communicate with your partner. I’m sure he’s taking the brunt of it 😂

9. Being a mum has insane ups and downs. One moment you absolutely hate being a mum and breastfeeding and taking care of a baby. Then the next you’re a picture taken straight out of a 1950’s home making book 😂 Know that those feelings of frustration and wanting to give up or wishing for your old life back is normal. We all do it but when that baby smiles at you or laughs at something you do that’s not even funny just because you’re his mum and he loves you... yeah. The mum life is the best life. So cry it out, scream it out and then pull yourself together because that baby needs and loves you.

10. I was shocked at how being a mum came so naturally. It’s just different when it’s your kid. It’s instinct, biology, innate. You’ll surprise yourself. Evolution or God or both (whatever you believe in) made you for this moment. The highest and most important calling this world has to offer, motherhood. Trust yourself, you can do it 😊♥️

You go mama!

xx Madi

Dating Advice

I’ve been married now and looking back I was pretty damn good at dating. I’d like to think that I nailed it when it came to choosing a partner for myself (even though marriage is a living commitment that takes daily work to nourish). To those dating I have one activity for you sit down and do before you go on the next date or before you get back in the game.

It’s called the Negotiables and Non-Negotiables.

We’ll start with the Non-negotiables because they are the most important and can make or break a relationship/marriage. These are traits/things you want in your future partner that you CANNOT compromise. These are things like if you want kids in the future, want to get married, if you’re religious what kind of activity do you want in your church, etc. These are the the most important things in your life. For example, when I was dating my 5 non-negotiables were:

1. I wanted to always be active in my church and when I dated I only dated members from my church. This is important for any members of the Church reading this. Marriage is hard but when you marry someone of the same faith, usually that means you have the same long term goals, especially if y’all are both members. I asked questions about how felt about the church, cool experiences they had and asked if they could see themselves going to church. While my husband and I were dating, he struggled with his testimony for a little bit. Right then and there I said, “T, you gotta figure if this is what you want. My goal is to always have the church in my life.”

2. He had to want kids! I see so many people who date someone who isn’t on the same page when it comes to this... have this conversation before y’all get married because 9/10 a person isn’t going to change their mind on this subject. Kids are a HUGE deal and the ultimate commitment. My husband wasn’t very good with kids and always said he hated them. So I was a little reserved and ended up breaking up with him because I thought he didn’t want any. Turns out, when we actually had the conversation, he just hates other people’s and wanted 4 or 5 kids which is exactly what I wanted!

3. At some point you have to talk about money. For me I’m huge on not going into debt unless it’s for a house or education. Since that’s a teaching we share from our church, we were Allgoods.

4. He had to have a sense of humor and laugh off the dumb things that happen in life. For me this is important because this was something that is taught in my family. Shake it off, laugh it off and move on. It’s important that you see your potential husband/wife/partner is stressful situations. If they handle in a way that you can deal with for the rest of your life then.. cool!

5. He had to be an RM. I might get crap for this but for me, being an RM myself, I knew what a mission taught. It teach compromise, communication skills, living in your own with someone, hard work, and other life skills perfect for marriage. If you’re not Mormon, evaluate if the other person communicates in a healthy way that’s compatible with how you communicate.

Last thing that you do is make yolur negotiables list. These are things that you can compromise on that you wish your future partner would have but it isn’t a deal breaker. These are things like wanting your future partner to play sports or he has to have brown eyes or has to be tall. Hahaha. These don’t necessarily have to do with core beliefs or serious topics although they could be. I made 5 negotiables and 5 non-negotiables when I was dating but you could make more.

The most important thing is to NEVER compromise on your non-negotiables. Don’t go into a relationship expecting someone to change. You marry the person for who they are and change together, as a unit.

GOOD LUCK!!! Do not settle! There are so many people out there to choose from! It’s the most important decision and will effect every facet of your life! Choose wisely!

Self Love & Body Image

This post has been on my mind for a couple of weeks now and I think I have been able to gather all of my thoughts in order to write a coherent post LOL.

As I've been pregnant, it seems as though there is a common theme among my social media and things I notice society trying to teach me about my body. On my Instagram, I see all these fit mums doing workouts while pregnant and bouncing right back after their pregnancies. On Pinterest, I see crash diets for pregnant women and workouts I can do to reduce weight gain. On Facebook, they try to sell me oils that prevent stretch marks or reduce their appearance. I see on TV how the Kardashians lost the weight or the things they did to make sure they had their "sleek and sexy figure after having 2 kids". They teach me how to style my clothes so I don't look as pregnant as I am.

Pregnancy and the changes it causes both physically and emotionally can be an extremely overwhelming experience. You have hormones RAGING inside of you and changing with each new week according to what your baby needs to grow up healthy. That makes you sick, depressed, anxious, irritable etc. That favorite pair of jeans you love so much no longer fits, hell I can't even find a pair of underwear that doesn't cut of my circulation and make me feel like my legs are going to fall off. Your boobs are sore all the time, you start to get stretch marks and itchy skin. Honestly.. I've hated being pregnant. I have been sick half my pregnancy and when I finally started to feel normal enough to function, I popped all of the sudden and now my back hurts 24/7. I'm exhausted all the time and I just... doing everything mentioned in the previous paragraph are things that I wouldn't even want to do if I wasn't making a human being inside me.

And now I can't even look on my phone for more than 5 minutes without it telling me that this amazing experience is going to turn my body into what society deems as unattractive. The stretch marks, the weight gain, the "saggy boobs", the bags under the eyes from exhaustion, the messy hair etc. For the past 6 months I feel like I have been mourning what my body was and I haven't even given birth yet. I look in the mirror at my belly and think "I'm huge. I'm fat. My body is never going to be what it was before. I hate being pregnant. My boobs already look like loaves of bread. I don't want to breastfeed, it'll make them worse."

Then Heavenly Father came in time of need when I needed a spiritual "whooping". As I sat there in bed crying over the loss of my "perfect prebaby boobs" thinking my husband isn't going think I'm attractive anymore or that I'll never feel sexy again a thought came to mind. He said

"If you choose not to breastfeed than you're not letting your own body reach it's full potential. It's the most important reason why I made them. You're taking away their purpose and their higher calling."


In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 it reads:


19. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20. For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

We NEED to change the way we teach about a woman's body, how we speak of it and how we treat it. Since that moment of revelation, I've made it a goal to take care of my body and make it as healthy as possible. Pregnant women aren't fat... THEY'RE PREGNANT. You gain weight being pregnant to keep both you and the baby healthy. The weight is healthy! Your boobs are not just cleavage. They're not just for sexual pleasure and appeal. They are the vessels of life. Did you know that you breast milk evolves overtime and adapts to every nutritional need of your baby? Your boobs are making LIQUID GOLD for heaven's sake! Those stretch marks are not ugly. Your skin was able to stretch itself and challenge itself to it's very limits so that a baby can be kept nice and safe for 9 months! Hell my husband has stretch marks because even men's bodies go through rapid changes in order to grow and progress. Your body is an absolute masterpiece and creation.

I am so sad to say that I have been absolutely cruel to my body. I am so proud of it and all it has accomplished. My body is amazing and it's the things that it is able to do that makes it perfect. Although I'm a little scared for what its about to go through come May 27th hahahaha... I know that my body will do amazing things just like it has in the past. We need to stop thinking that a woman's body is only beautiful if our boobs are perfectly round or whatever... or that our tummies are super flat... or that we bounce back right after having kids. We aren't going to look like what we looked like in high school because we're WOMEN now, not little girls. Whether you have kids or not, every woman's body goes through similar experiences like the ones above.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to celebrities because what they have isn't real. They've all had work done. I mention the Kardashians because it seems as though a lot of women try to be them. STOP! They have money. They're rich. They're oversexualised. You're comparing their life highlights to your everyday practices. For me, I've deleted social media and only hop on the weekends. When I get out of the shower and look at my body, I congratulate it on all it's accomplished. If I catch myself saying mean things to myself, I apologise to myself.

My body tells my journey. I wanted to get a picture of my belly and my tattoo bare to show where I've come from and where I'm going. By no means have I been perfect and I've made mistakes. I've had to repent, amend things with others and seek forgiveness from both my fellow man and God Himself. I haven't taken the best care of my body or used it for good all the time. But it has been God's light that has lead me to the life I have now. It's because of God that I am able to be the best mum I can be if I listen to His counsel. I got my tattoo when I was 16 years old in memory of my best friend's murder in a drunk driving accident. We promised to be each other's maid of honor's, have kids at the exact same time so they can grow up to be best friends and if it was a boy and girl get married so we can hang out all the time hahahaha. We even said we'd hold each other's hand while giving birth! My body has seen me through the worst times like loosing her and the best times, which is now creating a perfect little son!

My body has been through and carried me through so many different experiences and chapters in my life. A true gift from God. A temple.

I'm excited to see what my body is about to accomplish and can't wait for the opportunity it has to fulfill the measure of its creation. To create life and nurture it. Here's to learning to love ourselves and our bodies. No one else can do it as good as a woman can! 

xoxo. Madi

Shame and Guilt

Recently, while on Youtube I watched an interview between Ellen DeGeneres and the lead singer of Imagine Dragons. At the beginning of the interview he talks about his experience while he was attending BYU and how he was kicked out for having sex with his then girlfriend. He says, "I felt a bit of shame in my life over something I shouldn’t have been shamed about." In this post I would like to talk about the difference between guilt and shame, their effect and then draw from my own experience. Before we dive into this post, I want to state that he felt shame and guilt because he broke the Law of Chastity.

Guilt

I would first like to start off with a quote from Elder David A. Bednar where he says, "Guilt is to our spirit what pain is to our body—a warning of danger and a protection from additional damage." With that in mind we need to ask ourselves a couple of questions. First, who does guilt come from? What comes as a direct result from guilt?

Lds.org says, "as we strive to stay on the path that leads to eternal life, the Holy Ghost can guide us in our decisions and protect us from physical and spiritual danger." So if the Holy Ghost protects us from spiritual danger and guilt is a protection that is used to prevent us from causing further damage from sin then guilt comes from the Holy Ghost. If it comes from the Holy Ghost, then it comes from God Himself. For example, we are commanded that we do not partake in pornography. If I were to stumble across and start watching it, the Holy Ghost will give me a feeling of guilt. That could be a thought that you shouldn't be watching it, a pit in your stomach or an uneasy feeling. This is the Holy Ghost telling me that what we are doing is wrong and I should stop. He will continue to warn us until we stop listening! Guilt comes from God.

So then what are the effects of guilt? When you feel guilt and you listen that feeling, it triggers a sequence of events that may look similar to this. You can't get the bad feeling to go away because you know that what you did was wrong and the Holy Ghost is confirming that. Spiritual damage as been done and you need to heal. This guilt will lead you to pray, read your scriptures, talk to your parents or the best remedy, talk to your priesthood leaders. It will cause you to feel sorry for what you did and then renew your desire to do better. To be better. Guilt is the starting point to repenting and helps us to once again be worthy of the Holy Ghost. The results of guilt is positive.

Shame

We tend to think that guilt and shame are synonymous, when they never have been and never will be. For an example, I will us the story of Adam and Eve. God gave the two of them 2 commandments. The first was to multiply and replenish the earth and the second was not to partake of the fruit of the tree of good and evil. As the story goes, Eve partakes and so does Adam. Satan convinced them to break the commandments but the worst part is that he taught them to be ASHAMED. The conversation that takes place between Adam, Eve and Heavenly Father is as follows in Genesis3:8-13.

"8. And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden.

9. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

10. And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.

11. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

12. And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

13. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

From this story we can now answer the two previous questions. Who does shame come from? What are the effects of shame? We learn from Genesis that shame comes from SATAN! God asks Adam, "Who told you that ye were naked? To hide from me?" The effect of shame was the hiding, sewing the fig leaves and being afraid when hearing the voice of the Lord. Satan wants us to feel shame because it'll stop us from going to church because we don't feel worthy or good enough. He wants us to feel shame so that we are too embarrassed to talk with a priesthood leader. That they'll judge us and think differently of us, when in reality they just want to help. He wants us to feel shame so we don't read our scripture or talk with our parents. Shame stops us from doing what's right and progressing!

Personal Experience

My husband and I were supposed to get sealed in the temple over a year ago, on April 8, 2017. We had the date picked out and everything. His family was traveling across the world to attend along with all my family making the drive, the reception was to be right after and we even asked a member from my husband's mission to seal us in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple. It wasn't until a couple weeks before that we finally had the courage to confess to both our bishops that we were not fully keeping our temple covenants and therefor we were not worthy to be sealed on the date everyone was planning on. We decided to get married anyways and had a civil ceremony. We had to tell our WHOLE family and everyone involved.

Fast forward to June 10, 2018 as we are interviewing with our Stake President, both worthy and able to attend the temple to be sealed July 3, 2018. Looking back on the past year and how hard we've worked, I've realized the role that both shame and guilt has played in our repentance process. Shame kept me from posting pictures of our civil ceremony of Facebook because I was too scared of what other members of the church would say. Shame is what caused my own grandmother to disown my husband and I. Shame is what kept me from enjoying church every Sunday as I heard these perfect BYU-I couples talk about their sealing. Shame is what embarrassed me when other members of the church asked what temple we were sealed in. Shame is what stopped me from even talking about my wedding day. Shame is what caused them to always say 'oh' with a weird look on their face and then awkwardly change the subject. Shame made me hesitate to attend the temple again. Shame self inflicted. Shame is culture. It is not what the LDS faith or the Savior teaches.

But guilt? Guilt is what lead me to set up an appointment with our bishop in the married ward to start our journey to the temple. Guilt is what stopped us from taking the sacrament until we fully repented. Guilt is what started our habits as a couple to pray and read our scriptures. Guilt is what told us to take the temple seriously and not get sealed in the first place unless we were worthy. To start off our marriage with trust, honesty and respect for the Lord. I am SO GRATEFUL for guilt and the path it started me and husband on. Guilt is the spirit protecting us from spiritual casualty and allows us to realign our lives with the will of God. 

The Take Away?

Do not put guilt and shame in the same pot to mix together. Both have different purposes and consequences. We should never make others feel ashamed either! That's what Satan does! And we should never make others feel guilty either, that's the Holy Ghost's job! We are to love all and aid each other on our own individual journeys back to God's presence. Let the Savior take both the guilt and the shame away. Let guilt be the starting point of your repentance process and let it go once you give it over to Jesus Christ.

xoxo, Madi

5 Ingredient Shepard’s Pie

Hey guys!!!

Check out my latest YouTube video on how to make a Shepard’s Pie with only 5 ingredients! You will need:

1. 2 lbs ground beef
2. 2 lbs frozen vegetables
3. Mozarella cheese
4. Instant mash potatoes
5. Salt & Pepper

Here’s the link! https://youtu.be/MPuPfTCM9aE

I hope you enjoy it!!! 💖💖💖

Xoxo, Madz

A Letter to Myself

Every morning I wake up and I teach twelve 14-18 year old high school students. Some really have a good head on their shoulders and seem to be in the right space. Others seem to have lost what my mom calls 'the sparkle" in their eyes. They seem lost, wandering and frankly remind me of myself when I was that age. Tonight I just can't seem to get all of them off my mind, especially that 14 or 17 year old Madi who had no idea what high school was going to bring. To her I write this letter.

Madison,

The next decade is going to be the best of times and the worst of times. Life is going to bend you until the point where you feel like you are going to snap. There are so many battles waiting for you. Some you will win gloriously and others will rock your world. If you could see where you are now, I think you'd be proud. A little surprised but for sure proud! I just want you to know that you made an amazing life for yourself and I'm determined to make a future we can be equally as proud of. You graduated, furthered your education, served a mission and married an outstanding man. Sorry, you didn't end up playing for the BYU women's volleyball team. You didn't play college ball at all and I apologize for not reaching that goal for the both of us! I know it was something you really wanted.

Stop being so self conscious. Don't listen to them. I want you to not listen to the kids at school who tease you. They'll give you crap about being Mormon, a lot. Boys will make inappropriate comments and bully you for being a virgin or being prude. You'll find a man who loves you for you and appreciates the special bond of being each other's one and only. Don't listen to the girls who make fun of your frizzy hair, you'll discover mousse and a diffuser. You get a lot of compliments! You're not fat. For goodness sake, you're a size 00. Need I say more?! And don't be self conscious about your small boobs. They'll tease you for that too. You're a late bloomer and you'll get the ones you want, naturally. Trust the process haha.

Most importantly, hold tight. Hold tight to the morals and precepts you were taught you whole life. Don't let stupid, mean high school kids take away the happiness they bring you. Your junior and senior year will be one of the hardest years of your life. Big changes and heartbreak are coming, but it's nothing you can't handle. Remember to say your prayers and read SOMETHING out of the Book of Mormon every day. Do that and the world won't seem like it's falling apart.. well not as much! Don't let the small mistakes lead you to make big ones. Repentance is a beautiful process and needs to be done quickly. See bishop right away! 

You are an incredibly strong and persistent young lady. You honestly can do anything you put your mind to. God loves you. Always remember, always that God is love.

You can do this!

Your future self

Democrat in a Conservative LDS Community

DISCLAIMER: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has no political affiliation whatsoever. It is neither conservative nor liberal nor does it hardly ever make any stance when it comes to political platform. If you do want to know the stance of the LDS church on any topic, they ALWAYS come out with an official press release. If you have questions, please consult with lds.org. This blog post is purely written from my own personal experiences with other members of the church along with members who share the same political beliefs as me within the church.

Let's go ahead and set the scene before I really go into this blog post by telling you about my upbringing. I was born and raised in Phoenix, AZ which has been a conservative state in every election except in 1996 since becoming part of the U.S in 1912. I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my whole life. My whole family is basically conservative (unless there are some closeted liberals I don't know about hahaha). If you asked me during the 2012 election which political party I associated with I would have said none but I leaned more to right. I would've regurgitated something I heard from my parents or something I saw on Fox News, as that was the only new station I really watched growing up besides the local news. I was taught that the worst thing you could be was a democrat in the way those around me talked about it and even people in my church growing up.

Now because of the teachings of the church and its doctrines, many members of the church tend to affiliate with right wing or the conservative side of the spectrum. And there is nothing wrong with that BUT I am sick and tired of being judged and persecuted in my own community for believing and thinking differently. I am going to get so much heat for this but I feel like I'm not the only one who feels this way and I want them to know they're not alone so here it goes:

1. I am not any less a disciple of Jesus Christ because I am more liberal in my view points. Stop sending me articles about people who are anti-Mormon converting to church, about repentance when leaving the church or returning to activity. I AM AN ACTIVE AND CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF THIS CHURCH AS MUCH AS YOU ARE. I keep my covenants, pay my tithing, attend the temple, partake of the sacrament and worship the same God as you. You and I have the same Heavenly Parents and Savior Jesus Christ. I love them as much as you do and maybe even more! Who really knows?! That's right no one and especially not you. You focus on your activity in the church, your relationship with God and your own salvation and I'll worry about mine. My salvation is not dependent on my political beliefs but on my obedience to the commandments and how I treat others.
2. "The world", "the adversary", "the devil", etc. is not interchangeable or synonymous with liberal or democrat. There are wicked men and women in ALL political parties who teach evil principles. Just because I am liberal does not mean I'm wicked or condone wickedness. Liberals do not exist to destroy righteousness and we are not the Great and Spacious building. We have not declared this imaginary holy war on all you hold dear and sacred, especially since mine are the same as yours!
3. Don't assume someone's reasons behind why they want certain legislation passed. I remember talking to another LDS liberal about the legalization of gay marriage and he sad, "I don't want the government to have that much power to define who loves who. It's not their place, it's God's."Here people assume that just because he wants equality for the LGBT community, he's a homo. When he states that he is pro-choice, he's automatically assigned the label 'baby killer'. When he states that he wants stricter gun laws, conservative members of the church assign the label "communist" or "fascist". When really all these stances he has taken is because he wants as little interference from the government as possible in the personal decisions of its citizens. In other words, he is pro-agency! He wants others to have the freedom to choose just like he would want that for himself.
4. Political beliefs are not church doctrine, so stop preaching them from the pulpit. Example: I was told from a high council member while attending a student ward at BYU-I that I would destroy the work of the Lord and His church if I voted democrat in anyway and he proceeded to tell the students how to vote. Trump is not ringing in the Second Coming nor is he doing God's work nor is he saving the world. That's all you, mingling the philosophies of men with scripture. If it doesn't come from the scriptures or directly from the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve, you are preaching false doctrine.
5. If your political beliefs fill you with hate for any human being, then they are not in line with the teachings of the gospel. I'm going to leave it at that and have you interpret that as you will.
I want to end by explaining why a Mormon might in fact, be a democrat.

1. The main reason why I vote democrat is because I believe in universal healthcare. There are just some things that should not be for profit and one of those things is good health. Now that I live in a country with universal healthcare, I'll never live in the States again. Solely for that reason. People who tell you that the American healthcare system is the only way and that other countries have people waiting in lines suffering or dying on some list, is lying to you. I have a chronic disease and I am seen IMMEDIATELY. I have lived it and America's healthcare system preys on the sick and takes advantage of them.

2. I'm pro-choice because women NEED the right to make their own healthcare decisions independent of the government. No one is pro-abortion. Do I think that an abortion is morally wrong? Absolutely. Is it a form of birth control? Absolutely not. But it's not up to me what another woman chooses to do with her body and child. And for that matter I LOVE PLANNED PARENTHOOD! Abortions are not the only things they do! Pelvic exams, free STD testing, free pregnancy testing, affordable birth control etc. Either way, women will find a way to terminate a pregnancy. I would give 100% of my taxes to provide a low-income woman basic healthcare and that's what they do! (these facts come from their website at plannedparenthood.org)

3. Welfare. I heard the same conservative story. They saw someone on their iPhones texting with their fresh manicure wearing name brand clothes while using their food stamp card in line at Walmart. Just so you know, you just witnessed a very small percentage. Right wing politicians want to make tax cuts to welfare but 45% of welfare recipients are children in the system under the age of 18, 9% goes to the elderly over the age of 60 and 10% goes to disabled adults. That makes a collective of 74%!!! People who literally cannot work or provide for themselves. Let me ask you this... Did Jesus Christ ever turn someone away because of the way they were dressed? Whether too rich or poor? No. He commanded me and you to ALWAYS give to the poor. Let God do the judging. He's the only one who knows the whole story. (https://fns-prod.azureedge.net/sites/default/files/2012Characteristics.pdf)

4. I believe in stricter guns laws. No citizen should own a gun such as an AR-15. Some say it's a God given right and to you I ask, where does it say that in the scriptures? Conference talks? I couldn't find it anywhere. If you find, let me know. I'm not afraid of being wrong. In all honesty, if it was a God given right, he wouldn't given Adam an assault rifle from the beginning. Bottom line, the government would've have nuked us all a long time ago if it really wanted to get rid of us and guns that are meant for war, should stay there. I live in a country currently where they have strict guns laws. My father-in-law owns a gun. And they haven't had a mass killing since 1990.

5. I'm an isolationist when it comes to foreign policy. I loved that Obama pulled the troops out of the middle east and ended the "War on Terror". The most vague and useless war ever, right after the Vietnam and Korean war. It is my opinion, that any war after World War 2 has only been because some old guys up in Washington saw them useful for election. Thanks goodness them baby-boomers got rid of the draft or who knows what wars we would've been forced to fight since then!





That's my 2 cents. My opinion. Take it or leave it. That's why I'm a Democrat and can be as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Not the Church of Trump of Latter-day Saints or the Church of Jesus Christ of Conservative Saints. Yeah, I'm little defensive but enough is enough dude. Stop taking my political beliefs so personally and can we all just work to get to the Celestial kingdom together. I'll vote how I want and you vote how you want. Let's discuss this in a respectful, educated and calm manner. To my conservative friends, I love ya'll. You're what makes this nation great, along with us Democrats.

Dunedin Vlog

Hey guys! Go ahead and click here to see our latest vlog! ---> Dunedin Vlog

Here are some updates that we have for everyone about what's going on in our lives:

• MY VISA CAME IN!!!! Yay! I only got approved for 6 months tho because we need to prove that we are established here. All my documents were leases from our apartments in the States along with my tax return and stuff. But at least I can stay a little longer stress free! I think I'm just going to apply for my residency tho!
• My skin is doing the best it has on steroids but the moon face and the weight gain has been at its worst. Hopefully it will go away but I doubt it! Excited to see the dermatologist when he comes to the clinic.
• We absolutely love it here and the culture that New Zealand has to offer. The people are so genuine. Everyone is just out to be happy and live the good life
• The scenery and climate rocks. Whether you prefer the mountains, ocean, hills, plains, cold, warm, rainy, sunny etc. New Zealand is perfect for everyone!
• We really have enjoyed just getting in our car and going on drives. There is so much to see here with all the different terrains this country has. It's nice because I haven't seen any of it and it's fun for T to discover new places he hasn't been.
• Teaching seminary is going really good! The kids we teach are awesome! Everyone is learning a bunch of new things about the Book of Mormon.
• T and I got our new phones finally. T got the iPhone 8 and I got the same but the plus. I freakin love it so much. Our latest vlog was all done my iPhone including the filming, editing and uploading. It is so easy! I'm in love!

This weekend we went down and spent Friday-Tuesday down in Dunedin at our parent's house. We shopped a little because my little sister's birthday is this month. I'm trying to get her package out by tomorrow or Thursday! We always spend a lot of money on food in Dunedin because there are so many good restaurants. I haven't found a place where I didn't enjoy the food. Watch our vlog to see the beautiful Dunedin and Portabello, New Zealand

Xoxo, Madz

Save He Shall Prepare a Way.. Mercifully

This might sound a little messed up but  I used to look at my struggles and observed other's who dealt with health issues with envy. I was always thought, "well, at least they know that their battle will always be the same" or "At least they don't have to go thru what I'm going and just has to take medicine to feel better" or "They have it easy, health issues you can just go see a doctor and he will make everything better. I'm over here dealing with this and this. A doctor can't cure me of that!"

Talk about prideful. I guess the Lord decided to teach me a lesson or two! Back in September 2017, my eyes began to itch and I mean ITCH. They would water all the time, burn and I always felt like there were thorns underneath my eyelids. After a month, I went to the doctor and he prescribed some antibiotic eye drops. Within 48 hours my face looked like this:

After that my skin was never the same. I went to a dermatologist who put me on steroids for 5 weeks and my skin still persisted. I simplified all my products to be soap free, dye free, basically everything free. They did an allergy patch test on my back that came back positive for some things that irritated my skin and I eliminated those. Still my skin began to worsen. By the time we moved to New Zealand, the rash had completely spread from being on my scalp all the way down to some parts of my knees and calves. Once again, I was put on steroids and was told that it was something else and we'll have to see what my skin will do after round 2. Two weeks ago, I got off round 2 of steroids and it came back to be the worst it's ever been. I am currently on round 3 of steroids, and once again my skin has cleared up ALMOST completely. Finally, the doctor told us that I've developed chronic non-IgE mediated urticaria. An autoimmune skin condition where my immune system turns on itself and manifests through skin hives, rashes, ezcema, dry skin, you name it and I've had it.

During the process, I've gained 20lbs (side-affect of being on steroids), spent thousands of dollars on doctor's visits, creams, ointments, medication, emergency room visits, etc. and hours and hours lotioning my body with creams, ointments, or treatments. Imagine your skin being so dry and tight that it feels like its going to rip open. Ever had an itchy ant bite? Imagine that from your head to your knees. It's a literal race when I get out of the shower to moisturize within 3 minutes before my skin dries. Showering burns, sweating burns, going anywhere for more than an hour or two burns since lotions/ointments don't last very long. Shopping for shampoo, soaps, foods, drinks etc. has made me borderline paranoid as I am scared to buy something that might trigger another allergic reaction. I've tried dairy, gluten-free, vegan, elimination diets etc. Nothing has worked.

I've prayed to God and Jesus Christ to heal me or not make it so bad or just don't let it spread to this part of my body or just make it so it's not itchy and painful. There have been times when I have given up hope and there have been times where I have been filled with nothing but hope. I've asked "why me?" and "what do I need to learn from this?" I've received blessings, pleaded with the Lord, fasted, listened, cried, prayed some more. There have been times in the last 6 months where I have hit rock bottom and thought "It would be better off if I wasn't alive. It would be less painful than this." 

I don't list these things to get sympathy but to demonstrate how a health issue can completely alter and change your lifestyle forever. All the while, trying to be a good wife, friend, coworker, daughter etc. Honestly, these have been the HARDEST 6 months of my life and some of ya'll do it for almost a lifetime! And I admire you so much.

As I stated before, I felt like nothing had worked. This skin condition has even had me questioning my faith in God and if He really is there. I got called as a stake seminary teacher and I thought, "How the hell am I suppose to teach these kids about God, when I don't even feel Him here anymore?" Then last night, as I was reading in the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi Chapters 12-13 talk about God and how merciful He is with His children. Then I pondered the word MERCY. 1 Chronicles 16:34 states

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever."

And that scripture made me think back on the last 6 months and of all the times that the Lord has shown mercy. My visa is taking longer than usual but it's allowed me to get my health in order. I have felt my best and my skin has felt it's best when I'm studying or teaching in seminary. We have always had the money to pay for everything that has come with my condition. While watching YouTube, I found the new videos the church put out in the series "His Grace." I can't even tell you the mercy that God has shown thru my husband. I have never in my life been as fat, rashy or moody in my whole entire life and yet because of my husband, I've never felt sexier. I have gained an appreciation for health, wellness, exercise and taking care of my body. I CANNOT wait to start exercising when this skin thing is under control. God has made sure that I have had little moments of peace and joy, just to keep me going. It's enough just so I can recognize Him because He knows me so well.

I've learned that life is hard for everyone. Whether you struggle with physical health issues, mental health issues, addiction, poverty, prejudice, family matters etc., they all have the same opportunity to mold you into someone you are meant to be. With God, He'll help you get there. 

1 Nephi 3:7, "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

In Your Own Amazing Way

    Today we watched Finding Dory and something stood out to me that her mom said to her when she found them. As Dory tries to apologize for loosing them Dory says, "I know I've got a problem. I know I'm...And I'm so sorry. And all this time I've wanted to fix it and I can't and I try. I try. But my thoughts... they leave my head and ideas change. And I'd forgotten you and I'm so sorry." Dory has short-term memory loss and forgets very easily. It's a weakness she has and will have. In response her mom tells her to never apologize and points out that Dory found them all by herself. She responds to Dory by saying, "And you found us. Oh honey, you found us. And you know why you found us? Because you remembered. You remembered in your own, amazing, Dory way."

   I imagine our reunion with God with be something like this. We are all in Dory's situation where we have forgotten who we are and we're just trying to find our way home. Find our way to Heavenly Father. He knows that we have our own weaknesses, our pride and things that we individually struggle with. And when we fall before His feet begging for mercy, Christ will say "You found us because you remembered. You remembered in your own, amazing, Madi way."

   In President Uchtdorf's general conference talk this month he states, "Turn your soul toward the light. Begin your own wonderful journey home. As you do so, your life will be better, happier, and more purposeful" God is calling us and just like Dory's parents laid out shells, He has also prepared a way for us to find him. We can follow His prophet's words, read the scriptures, pray, participate weekly in the sacrament, attend the temple, etc. Each journey will different, and that's the beauty of it. I'm grateful for the shells Heavenly Father has laid out for me so that I can find Him in my "own amazing, Madi way."

18 Holy Months

For the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, one of the highlights of life is going on a mission. During this period you dedicate all your time and energy to sharing a message that has brought peace and hope into your life.  For 2 years for boys and 1.5 for girls, you don't go to school or have a job. You only communicate with your family once a week through email and you completely change your lifestyle plane to fit that of a monk almost. Nothing but uplifting and calm music. No Facebook. No media. Your focus is purely on others. This week it will be two whole years since I have returned from my time as a missionary and going was the best decision I could have ever made for my life and my eternity. Here are some things that my mission has influenced greatly:

1. My work ethic. I can honestly and 100% say that I can work with anyone. As a missionary you're paired up with a companion that is with you 24/7. You also had to work with Stake leader, Ward leaders and Mission leaders. I would visit people of a different culture than mine since I taught the gospel in Spanish. I visited Jehovah's witnesses, Buddhists and Atheists. I even visited people who absolutely despised me and spat on me for what I believed in. With all these different people, came along their different beliefs (even in the church), and I had to learn how to work towards a common goal or have the patience to always have a smile on my face. I guarantee I would not have been as successful in the workplace as I am if it were not for my mission and the people I worked with.
2. The importance of quality relationships. If there was one thing I learned on my mission it was that I could NOT return to God without the people He places in my life. Whether it was my best friend Olivia, my coworkers or professors or even the people who I don't like to be honest hahaha. I learn something from each person in order to make me who God wants me to be. It taught me to value other people and the potential each relationship can have.
3. It placed the gospel first and helped me set that goal for the rest of my life. Every single day I taught people about God and for 18 months I saw the changes that He made in their lives. They were happier and always seemed to have a glow about them the more the learned about Him and applied His commandments in their lives. I myself felt the power of living the gospel and having the companionship of the Spirit. I made a promise to myself and God that I would never do anything to jeopardize that feeling. Now, I have failed a couple times, but in those moments I have been able to have that desire to do whatever it takes to get back to that feeling. I'm grateful for the perspective.

I am ETERNALLY grateful for the people of West Valley City, UT. For all my companions, other missionaries, leaders both mission and local, and all the people that let me into their home. My life has forever been influenced by your love, your food and the Latino culture. There will always be a special place in my heart for those I am in contact with on my mission. Most importantly, I want to thank my Heavenly Father for putting so much trust in me to be one of His representatives. Because of my mission I have an incredibly handsome, kind, loving, forgiving and righteous husband. We both can thank our missions for our happy marriage and lovely home. And I can say that because of my mission, I know and love my Savior Jesus Christ and understand His role in my life better than I ever could have without it. Because of my mission, the past 2 years and the years to come with be the best years yet!

"And They Cast Their Eyes"

Today I was reading in 1 Nephi 8. In this chapter, the prophet Lehi shares a dream he had from God and tells this experience to his sons. The dream starts off where he is visited by an angel and is asked to follow. The angel leads him to what he calls a "dark and dreary waste". At this point the angel has left and Lehi begins wonder because he has found himself lost. After a couple days of wondering around, he decides to pray to God for guidance and mercy. God then shows him this huge field and in the distance, he sees a tree with some fruit on it. But it's not just any fruit, he describes it as a fruit, "desirable to make one happy... sweet above all that [he] had before tasted..." And when he finally took a bite, "it filled [his] soul with exceedingly great joy."

Just like in the Bible with Joseph, Lehi's dream is symbolic. In the Book of Mormon, the Tree of Life (the tree that Lehi saw) represents the love of God and the fruit that Lehi eats symbolizes the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The dream continues on where Lehi is standing underneath the tree and looking out. He sees crowds and crowds of people holding on to this iron rod, that leads them to the Tree of Life. This is supposed to be representative of the Word of God or the scriptures and modern day revelation of prophets and apostles. When the people arrive, they partake of the same fruit and feel the same happiness. They feel the love of God and the cleansing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. They know what true happiness tastes like. Lehi notices that they start to look around "as if they were ashamed". And because they looked around, they saw others in a building far off mocking those who were eating the fruit and standing by the tree.

Moral of the story? Don't cast your eyes.

1 Nephi 8:25,28 "And after they had partaken of the fruit, they did cast their eyes about... And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost."

The people who cast their eyes could be anyone of us. I feel myself at time looking around. I look to other sources to find happiness like money to pay off debts, a new eye shadow palette from Sephora, or new clothes. I think "I'll be happier once we're out of Rexburg or once I have the career I want or when I graduate". I compare and cast my eyes to those who don't share the same standards or beliefs at me thinking they have WAY more fun than I do. I cast my eyes to other families who are in a better financial situation or seem to have it all figured out. I too find my self wondering from the tree and getting lost. I loose the vision that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is supposed to give us all. I am so guilty.

I love this story because it teaches us what true happiness is. It's God's love. John 3:16 , "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." I don't know about you, but everlasting life seems like the grand prize. He is the fruit! So if you believe in Him, you know follow His commandments and try to be like Him, you have IT ALL!

Lehi and his dream made me realize just how blessed I am. I have a husband who absolutely adores me, a cute cat, a family who loves me and supports me, a roof over my head, a good job, the opportunity for education, a running car, and most importantly the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. What more could a girl ask for? What's the point of casting my eyes when I have the fruit in my hands? It's about time I started focusing on things that actually matter.

My Anxiety Story

Anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. It's checking your bank account over and over and over even though you know how much you have in it. It's feeling like your husband doesn't love you even though he married you and tells or shows you every day. It's skipping meals because you're nervous you'll start gaining weight again or your pants are getting a little tighter. It's not sleeping because you have this constant feeling that something bad is going to happen or go wrong. It's racing thoughts, trouble breathing, and migraines. Anxiety is a lot of things and it's more common than you think.

Global Burdon of Disease, an international heath organization, conducted a study in over 91 countries with an average of 480,000 subjects in each case study. They found that 1 in 13 people in the world have anxiety, United States being the most anxious country in the world. And yet, most of the time it goes untreated. I think it's our culture. We have the attitude of "fake it til you make it" or "it's all in your head. Just be happy." It's been a little under a year since I was diagnosed with anxiety. I'm here to tell you it's real and not just in my head. It's not something that you can just think away. I thought I might tell my journey with my anxiety.

Looking back, I've always had little episodes of it. Since anxiety has such a variety in symptoms, it's so very different for each person. For me I start to obsess over a thought or create a situation in my head. That situation is usually super unrealistic and hasn't even happened yet. I over-analyze and assume all at the same time. Once that thought is in my head, I can't get it out. I think and analyze so much that it makes my stomach feel uneasy and I get nauseous. That feeling would be so strong that it overpowered my appetite or any motivation to do my daily tasks. I can sit in my room for hours and be lost in my own thoughts. My head literally feels like it's on fire. At one point it got so bad, I had suicidal thoughts. I thought that if I died, my mind would finally stop thinking. Stop worrying. Stop obsessing. 

When I was little, I remember obsessing on protecting my brother. I would have dreams about having to save him or something happening to him. I wouldn't stop thinking about his welfare and if something were to go wrong. When we would go back and forth between my parents house for visitation, I obsessed in knowing where he was. I think that's why I was so controlling and bossy with him. My anxiety didn't really hit until I got back from my mission. I felt and thought that I had to perfect in order to receive any blessings. So when I didn't read my scriptures, it would make me anxious. I would only go to church because not being obedient made me anxious. It's like the feeling of waiting to get your whooping once you know your mom know you did something bad. So every time I didn't make the perfect decision, I became anxious.

It wasn't until after I went to go visit my husband in New Zealand that it hit me like a wall. It wasn't even about him at first. It started with doubts about my religion and if the commandments were actually right. Then I doubted whether or not I actually existed or if there was life after death. I knew those were real because of my testimony but I still felt anxious about everything I knew. My anxiety then permanently latched on to my husband and mine's relationship. With divorce running thick in my family, I analyzed and made up situations in my head that involved him not wanting me. Any excuse to end the relationship, my mind obsessed over it. That's when I started having suicidal thoughts. My mind would tell me that I wasn't worth it and he didn't even want me. God had someone better for him who actually deserved being with him. I wouldn't eat or sleep. I constantly felt my heart racing and that I couldn't breathe. I'd have a constant headache and I would lay in bed all day just thinking about how undeserving I was in life. No matter what I did I could not get these thoughts or feelings to go away. It would leak into my faith, my work, my schooling and my relationships. According to my anxiety, I was undeserving in any area of my life.

In October I went and talked to my doctor. I was able to get on some medication and it helped out a little bit. I can honestly say it hasn't completely gone away. My next goal is to see a psychiatrist. I am so grateful for my husband and his support and patience through this rough patch in my life. It hasn't been as bad since I've gotten married but I have my bad days. I think that my husband and the medicine really helped so I could wait it out a bit and learn what was happening to me mentally. For those who also suffer from anxiety like me, there is hope. Anxiety has to do with behaviors and how we learn to handle situations. Here are some things that have helped with my anxiety:

1. Meditation: sometimes it's good to lay down, practice breathing and learn how to control your thoughts. I actually use an app called Calm Meditation. It does exercises with you to help you learn how to control your thoughts and how to calm yourself down. I usually use this when I start to feel anxious or I start to think too much. I like to wind down right before bed with this app as well since my anxiety keeps me up at night.

2. Talk it out: when you're stuck in your head and it's for a long time, it's good to say them out-loud. That person can bring you to reality and help you discern what's actually in your head and what's happening in real life. I am so grateful for my husband and my best friend Elide for lending an ear when I need to put my thoughts into words.

3. Know Your Anxiety: you have to know the signs of your anxiety what causes it. get to know your body. I always ask myself, "Is this me or is this my anxiety?" Know yourself enough to know when you need alone time, when you need to be with other people and when you need help outside yourself. Don't be afraid to talk to a mental health professional and your doctor.

4. Express Yourself: don't hold your fears, your concerns and your worries inside, no matter how unrealistic they may sound. Don't be afraid to tell people you are feeling anxious either. You're not going crazy and you're not loosing your mind. A lot of people have anxiety.

Anxiety is a real thing. You're not alone. I can tell you that things will get better. It did for me and it can for you. You are deserving of all the success you want in this life and more. If you feel like you might struggling with anxiety or even depression consult your doctor or health care professional. Anxiety does not define you and you can defeat it.

Tips For The College Student

If you think you have to be super smart to be successful in college, you're wrong. Anyone can rock college. It's all about habits and good decisions. Here are some tips and tricks to help you find triumph the next however long you have at University.

- The best advice my dad ever gave me was to treat school like a job. If you want to keep your job you show up on time, get your projects done by the due date and you never miss a day of work unless you really have to. I can honestly count on one hand how many times I have actually missed class. It is so important to go to class because most professors test you on what they say during the lecture than what is on their PowerPoints. Plus, going to class helps you to take it more seriously and keep track of your assignments.

- Get organized. The classes that I didn't get as good of grades in, are the ones where I forgot assignments or didn't stay on top of the class schedule. I usually get a planner and write down all the major assignments for the semester. Then the Sunday at the beginning of each week I write down the little homework assignments due in between all the projects and papers. Writing down things and keeping a schedule helps you get in a rhythm. It also helps with my anxiety. Because I know that I have everything in my planner, once I'm done I check it off and I no longer have to think about it.

- Have your priorities in line. My rule is work during the week and then I can play all weekend. The occasional going out with friends on a Tuesday or Wednesday night is fine but I always do most of my work on weekdays. Majority of the assignments I've missed have been on the weekends. I would try to get all your school work done Thursday or Friday. If you have plans that weekend or are going out of town, don't expect yourself to do it during your trip. Just plan ahead and get it done. If your friends wanna go out but you haven't studied for a test yet, put your test first. After you graduate, you'll be able to relax more and have more free time. Bust it out now and you'll be rewarded later.

- When you feel overwhelmed in a class or not matter how hard you work you get bad grades, don't be afraid to see a tutor. You may be the smartest kid in the world but some professors just don't communicate what they are looking for. See a TA for what the professor is really grading on and what you should focus on when studying or writing your essays. Don't let your grade get to the point where you can't recover it. You can always tell in the first 3 weeks whether the class is going to be easy or hard for you. As soon as you feel like you can't do it on your own, schedule an appointment with the class TA or tutor.

- It's okay to not have your major figured out in the first or second semester. The general classes are there to help you explore and find your passion. Take the time to get to know what you are interested in, do job searches and see what suites your future. I thought I was going to be a nurse and then I took a World Foundations class that taught about world religions and cultures. I changed my major to International Studies after that class. Don't stress about it. You'll figure it out.

- Student debt is not a bad thing. Think of your education as an investment. Through your education you'll get the career you want with a steady salary, more money and stable finances. It will provide for your family and yourself for the rest of your life. Getting an education will set up more opportunity in your future than you could imagine.

- Education is a privilege. There are many people who have cultures, circumstances and lives that do not make education available to them. Appreciate the opportunity to grow spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally as you move forward in your education. For me, my education has made me a better person and that's more valuable than anything this world can offer.

These 7 points are what have seen me to success in my secondary education. I firmly believe that if you apply these points to your education, you will find prosperity and fulfillment in your college journey. It will challenge, stress you out and you'll wanna abandon ship all the time. It is SO worth it. I am a better family member, spouse, colleague, employee and friend because I went to college.

The Truth About Married Life

We live in a society where marriage and family are frowned upon. In any sitcom or TV show, marriage is seen as a burden or being tied down. Many marriages portrayed in the media and unfortunately in reality as well, don't last. The man who decides to marry the love of his life is seen as the fool who ruins his chances of sleeping around. Movies now have plots that center around the wife going after an old flame and cheating on her husband. Married couples are seen as boring and mundane. Unhappy. In the world we live in, there is NOTHING special about marriage and that's what they want you want think. That't how the generation before us treated their marriages and now we have the chance to change this. I'm here to tell you that marriage is AMAZING. I have never had so much fun in my life or have been happier. This topic was actually my husband's idea. I asked him what I should write and he said to "tell everyone how fun and awesome being married is". Here are some of the best reasons why marriages is literally the best thing ever.

1. For me, it was so important that I married my best friend and I think this has a lot to do with success in a marriage. At the end of the day, will you enjoy eating dinner and watching Netflix with this person? Can you hold a good conversation? Is there a friendship behind the hormones and the intimacy? I can honestly say that if it were between my very best girlfriend or my husband, I would hang out with my husband. I love being married to T because he just gets me. He knows when I need space, he knows what to do when I'm stressed out, he knows my likes and dislikes and he knows what my motivations are. He knows me best. I love coming home to that kind of friendship. It's a companionship that you won't find anywhere else. You start to have inside jokes and find common interests. You form habits together and get in sync. Marriage is having a partner in life. A friendship that you promise each other for a lifetime.

2. I'm going to come out and say it, the sex. Making love to the person that you care most about is the best feeling in the world. I come from a culture where young people wait until they are married to have sexual relations of any kind and I treasured that. I believe it's what makes marriage so much fun. It allows you to get know your partner on such a deeper level and makes an emotional connection that you just can't put into words. It's something so special and sacred and yet so vital to marriage. So don't think that getting married kills your sex life. I will always think my husband is the most handsome and sexiest man ever. As my wise high school Spanish teacher once said, "It doesn't stop, it just gets better!"

3. Marriage is freedom. I know this sounds weird but I have been single, dating, engaged, and married. I have never felt more free to be myself, be an adult and make my own decisions until I married T. I don't know why but people tend to treat you differently once your married. They back off and let you do your own thing. The only person you are responsible to is your spouse and you make those decisions together. It has been so liberating for both me and my husband to create our own lives together and that's how it should be. If you don't feel like your family is giving you your space if you're already married, try setting boundaries. We've done that both up front and gradually in our situation and it's been so nice. We love being independent together and figuring things out.

4. Support. Support. Support. Being a single college student and trying to make it on my own just felt overwhelming at times and I felt so alone. It's the best thing in the world to have someone who will share your burdens and help you through those hard times. The financial side is great but it's the emotional and spiritual support that I'm talking about. Someone you can talk about your problems to, think out loud to, express yourself to. You don't have to make decisions alone anymore and with open communication, I believe any marriage can be the happiest times of your life. No matter if you're single or married, trials and adversity will come in life. Marriage is the best because you don't have to take on life on your own. You have someone there to share some of the weight.

5. Marriage is what you make of it. T and I promised each other that we would enjoy marriage and do whatever it takes to keep it that way. If you go into marriage thinking it's going to be miserable, then you're right. It's going to be a suckfest. So in order to make each other happy, you talk things out. You resolve your issues and throw away your pride. You take care of whatever obstacle is in the way of a happy marriage. Marriage itself is not what makes men unhappy, men makes marriage unhappy. I love marriage because it has taught me to choose to be happy and make someone else happy. It has taught me to be selfless and think of another before myself. It has made me feel more confident about myself and has helped me become a better version of myself. I love marriage because it makes me happy and I have the choice on whether I can make that happen or not.

It is so important to know that marriage is challenging but I think that we associate that word with unhappiness or that we won't enjoy that activity. I think back to my mission and how challenging that was but it was because it required more than just the bare minimum from me. It required some effort and change on my part. Marriage is the same way. It can require more than you have ever given and commitment to someone else. I love being married and I love my husband. No matter what the media or society may tell you, being married is the best thing ever! It's up to you to make it that way and put in the work!

Why BYU-Idaho Isn't For Me

DISCLAIMER: This post is purely opinion and is based on personal experiences. In no way is this meant to tear down the purpose and good that BYU-I has done in so many lives. It's a good education at an affordable price. I'm grateful for the tithe payers and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for making getting a college education easier at a reasonable cost. If you are absolutely in love with the University, then don't read this. I'm going to be 100% honest because this is a review post. You will get offended lol. This is all based on my experience and how they have behaved with me.

When you are applying for college, you don't really know what you are getting into. Each campus has a culture, a way of doing things and the environment that the University creates. I wish that I had a blog post that I could have read before I came up to BYU-Idaho telling me what it was like and giving me a heads up so I could prepare myself. Just a little background on me: I'm a Junior majoring in International Studies. I've taken both all online classes, on campus classes and a mixture of both. I've been single, dating, engaged and married as a student. I've worked part time and gone to school full-time since I started my college education. I've done it all! Here are some things I wish someone told me before going to BYU-I

1. Religion is mixed and mingled with your secular education. Professors relate the class curriculum to gospel principles and compare truths. Depending on your preferences, you may be the kind of person that doesn't want a church or religious bias in your education. You are graded if you do or do not read your scriptures in your Book of Mormon class and you loose your Ecclesiastical Endorsement if you don't go to church. This could be a good thing and it could be a bad thing. If you don't like being forced activity in the church, then maybe you should consider another school. Keep in mind that this is a private Mormon University so they have a lot of freedoms with combining religion and education.

2. There is no student life. It is a really small town, in a family community, in the middle of nowhere. The population 27,094 and over 14,000 of those people are college students. There are no major stores like Target. They just barely got a normal sized Walmart this past year. The only activities I have heard about are stake dances which are EXACTLY like the ones you attended in high school. The activities put on by the University are religious seminars as well. There are no frats or sororities or week events like in other colleges. There are no sports teams and the only University events are religious seminars.  You have a midnight curfew, except on Fridays where you have to be in your apartment by 1 am. There are a couple of hikes or you can drive to another city to do something. The closest mall is 40 minutes away. I come from a big city and so Rexburg is very dull to me. Keep in mind that there's not much of student life and stuff to do in the actual city. It's tiny.

3. Expect a culture that you have never experienced before and nothing can compare to it. BYU-I is a little bubble in the middle of nowhere. Students and faculty over the last decade have created their own little world. There is no diversity other than a handful of foreign students from other countries. Dating and marriage will be brought up every class period and pounded into your brain until you're married or graduated. Devotionals somehow become a requirement for exaltation. I respect and understand the Honor Code but I don't see how having a beard or wearing shorts on campus is going to stop you from being a better disciple and student. This, in my opinion, cause the faculty and students to have a "holier than thou" attitudes. Can I just bring up that mustaches are okay? I feel like a well groomed beard is way more professional then having the young men walk around looking like Pedo-Pete with the caterpillar over their top lip. Roommates have to make sure that each other is living the Honor Code so that can make things SO awkward. You either feel like you're being judged or your mom if you have to keep getting on them. If you don't like adding rules on top of the commandments of the gospel, then another University would be more for you. Keep in mind that BYU-I has implemented its own rules and culture.

4.  Basically everything is student ran. Want support and advice on what to do for an internship? A student will help you with that. Want to pick classes and know what to take for your degree? Your councilor is actually a fellow student. Want to know who's processing and handling your financial aid and scholarships? Some 18 or 19 year old student. My husband had a TA as a tutor who had no previous tutoring experience or a desire to even be a tutor. He hates tutoring now. There hasn't been a single semester where the financial aid office has gotten it right and they are super hard to get a hold of. This semester over 50% of the student body didn't have their financial aid before payment deadlines. They have cut pmajor and minors without telling students. The international department sent my husband's visa paperwork 10 days late and have lost his visa twice. Rexburg is too small to try and support 14,000 college students. There are NO jobs so the university has to make up for it. I appreciate that they provide more jobs on campus but I would like a trained professional to handle my money or my husband's legal documents. The intentions are there but the application is not efficient or professional. At times I have felt that I'm attending an activity organized by a YSA ward than an accredited University. Keep in mind that every department is ran by a student just like you.

BYU-Idaho is a great place to be. I have had amazing experiences with quality professors who I felt I could trust and confide in. If you have a chance, take World Foundations 101 from Ms. Gee. She is awesome! Even though I would rather do this on my own, I love that the university teaches that your education is a tool in being a better disciple leader and that all knowledge testifies of the Plan of Salvation. I have had some amazing roommates who have become my dearest friends and taught me many valuable life lessons. The purpose and intention of the University is there but the application and efficiency is lacking. The culture, the state of Idaho and BYU-I just wasn't my cup of tea! I suggest that you do a lot of research and actually visit the campus. Ask students how they feel about their experience so far. Good luck on your search for your college education! I hope this article proves useful!

"You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Be Worthy"

  I work at a call center and when we start to run out of people to call or it gets slow, coworkers discuss a lot of things. Sometimes we vent about the job and the rude people on the phone or the frustration we have with the financial aid office at BYU-I, but today it was different. We actually talked about some deep stuff! Since I study and work in Rexburg, Idaho, 98% of the population is LDS and since it's a college town most of my coworkers are my age. A majority of the meaningful discussions we have are actually about the gospel and our own personal journeys to where we ended up that day.

  Today we had a long discussion about how we knew if we made the right choice or if we are leading a life God wants us to live. Some of it was whether it was going on a mission, marrying the right eternal companion or what major you decided to pick. There was something that I noticed about each story that we all had in common. We were all waiting to have the perfect answer and we felt like we weren't receiving it because we weren't perfect or our situation wasn't the ideal. I feel like this is more common than just within the LDS employees at a calling agency. It's a church wide mentality and I noticed that it was a driving force in why a lot of the inactive members I taught on my mission lost their way. No matter what they did, they felt like it was never to be good enough. It makes sense because our doctrine teaches that perfection is in fact a goal and there is always something that we can improve on. In no way am I dissing on this doctrine or disagreeing with it, I think it is a marvelous goal. As a natural reaction though, being human and imperfect, we may all feel as though we have to obtain perfection in order to earn what we want or what God wants for us.

  This is something that I struggle with and I think it's something that I taught myself on my mission. You know we are always told that you have to be an obedient missionary in order to see miracles or get a baptism. I always felt that the cancelled baptism from an investigator or a less active not showing up to church was because I wasn't a perfect missionary that transfer. Looking back I realize that it was their agency and I did try my very best to follow all the rules I needed to follow. One thing I failed to learn on my mission was even though I could be 100% perfect in all I do, life will never be be perfect. I mean look at Our Savior Jesus Christ. He did absolutely everything He could. He WAS and IS the only perfect being to ever come to this earth and life for him ended in betrayal. It ended in lashings and being hung on a cross. But because He was obedient AND the Son of God, He also rose in glory the third day, being the first ever to do so.

  The point of this post is to tell you that your best is good enough, although not perfect, it is good enough for the Savior and for our Heavenly Father. Some days you won't have the desire to go to church. Some days it will be a struggle for you to read your scriptures because of a busy schedule. Sometimes you will have doubts and your testimony will shake. Sometimes you won't always make the best decisions. AND THAT'S OKAY, because it is part of being human. If we never had those instances, what would be the point of coming to earth? I always thought that if I made one wrong move or if I didn't feel like going to 9 am church, that God would make me pay for it later. I thought that if I didn't make the right decision every time, it threw me off the path that God had for me and I was doomed to live a miserable life and pay for my actions every day for the rest of my life. That is not the nature of God and if you feel like that, it's Satan making you feel that way.

There are 3 things that I have learned to do when I start to feel this way:

1. Learn the acronym CPR. Every return missionary seems to know that when your church attendance, prayer and your habit in reading the scriptures is consistent, you feel good. I would also add temple attendance to endowed members. Focus on the small and simple things. The thing I struggled with is coming home from my mission and not being able to study for 3 or 4 hours in the morning and because of that, I felt I was sinning. I felt guilty. I learned that it's quality not quantity. As a missionary I was able to study for that long because of my schedule but once I started working and going to school, it just wasn't realistic. As long as you feel the spirit and it's quality time with the Lord, whether praying or reading the scriptures, it's enough for Him. You and Him both know what your best is. Figure out what that means to you in your situation. I find that when we do these simple things, other gospel principles like service and missionary experiences, will find its way into our lives. Everything just falls into place.

2. Don't compare your discipleship to another's. Every situation is different and people make different choices. We are all trying our best to follow Jesus Christ and it varies in appearance. It has been a mistake of mine to compare my decisions to those of others. I view myself as "not worthy" of gospel blessings because I don't go to the temple as much as so and so or go to Tuesday devotionals like so and so or do the same things as so and so in order to keep the Sabbath Day holy. My mission president once said that comparison is a sign of pride. You either compare yourself to see if you are better than another or you compare to tear yourself down. Both are destructive and are not God's plan. Focus on your situation and what discipleship looks like for you. Do a self-assessment every once and while to check if you can do anything to improve. We can always do a little better but don't set too many goals tow here you are overwhelmed. If you pray to God to know what to focus on, He will tell you what He sees as important for you.

3. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy. The Savior in the Book of Mormon states, "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men..." (Ether 12:27) Jesus Christ is the one who actually gave us our weaknesses. He knows us perfectly and knows what we want. God isn't going to say "Oh well because you failed to read you scriptures on September 16, 2012, you can't marry Tyrone Mather even though you love him very much" or "Man, you didn't have the perfect attitude when you went to church 10 years ago so you won't get that job you've wanted for forever." That's just not His nature. God loves you and so does Jesus Christ. They love you so much and want you to be happy. They want you to marry your best friend, they want you to get the career of your dreams and they most importantly want you to return to His presence. You do not have to be perfect for them to want those things for you. You do not have to be perfect to be worthy of God's love. He loves you no matter what you do and will help you make things right if you make a decision that does't make you happy.

  1 Nephi 17:13 says, "And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led." Before when I read this, I would have thought that God already had a step by step plan for me that would be laid out for me to figure out and if I messed up, I failed the plan. That I had a set decisions that I had to make that God already planned for me to make and if I varied from that plan, He would punish me. Now I see that this "theory" is wrong. What I have learned is that God is with us every step of the way making decisions with us. When we mess up He says, "That's part of the plan too. Rely on my Son Jesus Christ to repent and feel better. Let's move on from here and let's see how you can be happy." He makes the best out of our weaknesses. He makes our mistakes beautiful. He allows us to make our own decisions in order to be happy and we can know that as long as we are keeping the commandments, we are always going to be happy. We are always going to be living a life that He would want us to lead. We will never be perfect in this life but we will always be worthy.

Drug of The Rising Generation

  I get asked a lot about the posts I make on Facebook and especially the articles that I share about pornography. It's a topic that I feel more people should talk about and take more seriously. I go to a private LDS University up in Idaho and we talk about dating a lot up here and when I say a lot I mean it's part of the curriculum in some classes. I remember going to church for the first time at the University and participating in a Q&A session with our clergy about dating. The very first question that came up was how to deal with pornography whether it's with yourself or the opposite sex. My bishop answered by saying "It's not a matter of IF you have seen pornography anymore, it's a matter of WHEN was the last time and what the young man did when he did see it."

   Just like many others in my generation, I struggled with pornography in high school and found the temptation to view it when I was up at college. The first time I came across it was late at night at my Aunt's house where I ventured into the paper-views. The dark side of Direct TV.  From then on it was occasional on my iPod touch or my laptop. I was never addicted and it wasn't like I couldn't go without it. You just scroll through your Facebook and things pop up, it sparks curiosity and you keep watching. At first I felt like I was the only girl who ever watched pornography but that same Sunday my bishop said that out of 3 years up at the University he found that it was pretty even between the genders who came to him for help. The point I'm trying to make is that pornography is everywhere now, it's more accessible and it doesn't discriminate. Like my bishop said, it's not if anymore and the most important thing is how we react in those situations.

  After that church that day, I actually stumbled upon something positive. It's a movement called Fight The New Drug (FTND), which is an organization dedicated to fighting the porn industry and educating the public about the effects of pornography. This website not only brought so much comfort to me in teaching me that I was not alone but that it is a world wide issue. The graph shows the growth rate of sexual related crimes just in the United States. It has increases 275% since 1980.

   The launch year of the internet was 1990 and 1991 and since then sexual crime rates have been consistently on the rise. Although a lot of variables can go into these statistics, one cannot deny the times and technology that line up with the different data. Even Ted Bundy, one of the most known serial killers of our time, warned us about the effects of pornography and how accessible it was even back when he was interviewed. The amazing thing about this video is that he talks about things that wasn't backed up with science at that time. If this doesn't turn you away from porn than I don't know what will. He said that all the men that he talked to that were like him, "without exception, were deeply involved with pornography." According to a serial killer, crime like rape and murder are rooted back to their involvement with porn.

   There are many types of pornography including child porn, anime porn, bestiality porn and many more. In child pornography the children are as young as an infant and in some cases still have their umbilical cord attached. Some mix bestiality and child porn together and other porn uses violence and near death scenes to arouse. If you think that sex trafficking isn't happening near your, for my American readers, Super Bowl weekend is the largest sex trafficking event IN THE WORLD. It's time we all get educated here in the states. We see all these sex trafficking documentaries on TV filmed in Nepal, India and Cambodia but yet we are ignorant to the fact that it's happening in our own neighborhoods.

   I could write articles and articles about the negative effects that the porn industry has had on our world as we know it today. If you would like to know more, I would strongly suggest that you check out fightthenewdrug.org. If you think that you don't need to educate yourself on this topic than you are naive to the world around you. If you have a son or daughter that is 10-12 years old then chances are they have already seen pornography because they are the average age of someone who views porn for the first time. If they don't learn from you, they will learn it from their friends and our society. This is an issue and a menace that affects every family and individual in the world.

  I have seen in my own life and in the life of those I know, how damaging and destructive pornography can be. It tears families apart and leave individuals broken in it's wakes. It is directly like to sexual assault, rape, sex trafficking and many other wrongs done to others. It destroys love, humanity and compassion. It can become an addiction just like heroin or meth and can lead people to do things they never would have seen themselves doing. It destroys the heart, brain and soul of an individual. It is the most evil thing that could have happened to humanity in my perspective. We need to raise awareness, prepare the next generation, learn from our mistakes and build a better future. Sex was a God-given gift to enjoy between husband and wife and a tool to create families. It should be kept that way. I agree with FTND when they say, "Porn kills love." May we fight to protect that sacred human emotion and use it against porn.

Sources: fightthenewdrug.com and the book The Growth of Incarceration in the United States (graph is found on page 44)